I awoke to some messages declaring that I should go see to the Ni shrubbery. So I left a note with the Wolf and flitted away to do just that. I did not know what to expect but to my delight and relief she seemed to be somewhat improved and feeling better, fighting to stay with us. I could not be happier to see life within her once more. So happy I wept tears of joy. I’m here with her now. Along side Skye and Lucius. I dare not leave until I feel it is the right moment to wander. In fact I am sat here trying to paint her, or at least paint how I see her in my head. Without the sickness and without the dark spots that mar her leaves.

Lucius never gave up on Ni, never lost hope and never stopped believing in her strength and resilience. I did not lose hope or give up on her either, but I did falter. I have been tired, stressed and draining myself quicker then ever these days. The fight to quell the fel darkness has taken its toll, taken alot out of me, and there is so much in my head I can not yet sort into thoughts that I can follow enough to write down. Hopefully this pleasent turn of events will help me sort myself a bit sooner.

The weather is changing with the seasons and the nights are chilly. I need some long sleeved bunnyfuz as I tend to feel cold easily, even on warmer days. But with this chill the grace of autumn follows close behind. Autumn is my favorite season of the year. Not just because of the festival but the beauty of the way nature changes. Some become saddened by the way flora seems to die. But it is not everdeath, only the process of renewal. It is the time of year where the plants and trees burst with a fascinating flourish in a grand finale of blazing beauty under the bright rays of Sunrifter. Flowers petals fall like a velvet rain. The trees shed their leaves and every leaf is like a flaming flower floating freely on a blowing breeze before settling to the ground. The leaves do not die but give themselves back to the earth, ripening the soil and enriching the air we need to sustain. So I am not sad when the leaves fall from the trees and branches stand bare against the howling wind and cold. I know the Spring will come again, invigorating and with life renewed through the precious and delicate natural order of life, death and rebirh.

I plan to enjoy each crisp and beautiful fall day there is. What the Winter brings for me, I do not know, besides a bitter cold that I can not stand. I can not wait for the autumnal colored leaves to fall from the magnificant tree in the meadow so I can rake them into a big giant pile under the tree and leap from the sprawling branches into them. To sit under the chilly, starry night sky by the warm rock fires, laughing and being carefree. Eating too many candyballs, drinking lots of punch and cider. Though I wonder. Will it feel the same?

It has been a good turn.

The seal still holds despite an attack to try and break it. I have been painting and it seems to be working out nicely. There is a newish cottage full of interesting things - I must go back and show Lucius. Ni seems to be hanging on and the shoots are growing stronger. The Wolf managed not to step on any while we watered and talked to them. Seeing the plants so strong lightened our hearts. So we prayed, and then we shone. Lucy got her hat and I danced without caring.

*many stab holes mar this page, nearly shredding the parchment asunder, giving it no chance for survival. It barely clings on to its place within the journal*

I have removed all items of light from my being for this night. And when I put away my plume I will see nothing at all. I wanted to do it at the place that haunts me the most, the place they can get in easier. But since that can happen so easily in my dreams what is the point? It feels wrong, defiant, rebellious, painful even. And so much more...I don't know...and Gods know what the Wolf would think, but the part of my mind that is not in the right place at the moment enjoys this, and enjoys the pain it brings.

I have said before, not all darkness is bad and evil and I really believe that. The darkness was there at the start of everything and shall remain still, long after all the light of the world has faded. It is an endless nothing, and though I walk the light, I am still a part of the shadow because when life is at its worst you can always count on the darkness to be there. Not the evil dark, but the quiet, peaceful dark.

The blood which flows inside my veins has started to burn. And what bubbles deep inside my being scares me. What am I truly capable of becoming? After all, I am my fathers daughter.

Ni continues to die despite all the words of love, hope and encouragement I have witnessed her receiving, along with dedicated and tender tending. It breaks my heart and I know it makes the Wolf sad, too. Once gatherings around her were filled with joy and love and now there is just melancholy, though it is still laced with hope and faith. The hearts of the people in this land cannot be darkened as easily as the Ni has been.

I've spent much of the day tending to the green shoots and all the flora within the Twilight gardens, in between bouts of dozing in the tombs and starring up at the Malachite-green roses twisting along the archway on the Misty Path, as I often find myself doing, just wishing and waiting for a couple of them to fall to the ground so we can wear one. I dare not cut them, even though I can reach some of the low ones. It feels unnatural, though I have cut other flowers to display in vases. I always feel a little guilty but pruning is necessary and helpful to the plants. And the added bonus is we get to enjoy the beauty of the blooms inside as well, if just for a little while before they wilt and fade away.

We did not dance at the ball but we still had fun. I am just to shy around people, and am usually quite anxious at big events, although am told I hold up rather well despite that fact. And as graceful as I move normally or when I swim, I just can not dance very well. Especially around such good dancers like Sigarni and Ave. I guess I feel a little intimidated. And Lucius can dance so well. I just did not want to mess things up for him. Though I know a good deal of this ‘inability’ and fear goes back to Father and Myoakka, and that the issue mostly lies in my own head sickness and not my brain or my feet.

The wolf looked good in his emerald garb. I was told I looked lovely and stunning. It was very flattering to hear, though I fear some of my friends may need to have their eyes checked. Cenny and Aryana sang lovely songs and Pallas made a really great toast to RoK for hosting. I can still see the eyes of the mask he wore. They were quite creepy and very well made. And Zanaan wore a really attractive vest. I wish Skye could have joined us. And Tara and Ella - and other friends and dragon admirers. Everyone looked amazing dressed up as dragons and the best part, the very best part of all (beside the parfait which I am hopelessly addicted to) was everyone seemed to be having so much fun together. I think it is safe to declare that ‘a grand time was had by all.’ Someone very close and dear to me used to say this long ago. Before things stopped being so grand…before I found Valorn.

I ate so much I feared I would pop, so we went home to get some rest.

The Dark Wolfshadow leered over the woman as she stood on the edge of a cliff, his fangs bared and dripping with poisonous saliva as she scrambled back away from him to the very edge, leaving her with nowhere left to run. She spoke fearfully yet there was strength and resilience behind her word, and she did not beg for her life. “You cannot hurt me unless I let you. I will throw myself over the edge before giving you the chance” she stood tall, defiant.

The giant black wolf howled a loud, evil laugh up to the dark, starless sky. “Hurt you? What do you take me for, a simple murderer? No, Sylvan, I will not make you hurt, not physically. I will hurt all that you love – your Wolf, your nature, your family, your home and I will bring you emotional pain so crushing you struggle to breathe in the despair I leave you to linger within. You will beg me for death. But I will not cause you physical pain. Oh, I could easily make you suffer. Legendary suffering” he spoke arrogantly “Shred you to pieces with my fangs and claws. I could eat most of you up in one bite but I will grant this pleasure to your father, as he has summoned me to do so. It is what I am here for; it is why you see me within the new fel darkness that has beset your land. The evil of the darkness has allowed me to come through your Fathers dark world, the world I too exist within, and into this darkness, your world’s darkness.”

She trembled at his words, her eyes pained at the mention of her loved ones being hurt and angered at the mention of her Father being behind what was occurring. Though she was not surprised, she had already known in her heart he was part of the source. Shudders wracked through her body despite her attempts to hide all the swirling emotions from this evil brute of a beast. Even if his words were a mere ploy to get her to think he would not physically attack her if she gave into his demands to spare those she loved, she wanted him to hurt her. As bad as that sounded, if it came to being torn to shreds by this foul creature or her Father, she without question or doubt would choose the beast. If she were dead, her Father would have no reason to bother with the other things, right? The Wolf, the Ni, her friends, her home. Still, she did not desire to be ripped to pieces and give this thing any satisfaction. Looking down she knew that the cliffs edge seemed her best option if she wished to die retaining a bit of dignity, without being utterly ruined; to die with some peace of mind and with a shred of her soul left intact. Not ruined by her Father, not taken over by the ways of the darkness, not with a heart that was weighed down in misery, anger, regret, fear and so many more emotions.

She knew she had no other choice. She would do whatever it took to protect him, to protect what she loved from the evil world that has been enveloping the lands around them. Taking everything she loved. She spat at the black wolf. The wolf howled in laughter and bounded closer, causing her to lose her footing and fall onto her backside. The wide toothy grin plastered across its face showed its amusement at her reaction.


Crawling back away from the massive beast, her hands slipped over the edge of the cliff but she did not cry out in fright as the stones and dirt fell away under her hands. Instead she let loose a growl of her own. “You are a liar. As you are a part of the darkness your words are empty and valueless. The darkness tricks, it lies, and it fools. But I am no fool. How unfortunate of you to take me for one. Neither you nor father will get your wishes or desires or tasks fulfilled.” She closed her eyes briefly, taking in a deep breath. “Wolf, forgive me. Gods forgive me.” And with those words she slipped over the cliffs edge and into a free fall. It was over quickly. Too quickly.

A terrifying howl split the night, echoing through the rocky terrain, piercing through her ears. The ground trembled and began to crack open, hot stream rising from the crevasses. She knew all this because she was no longer falling. And she was not dead. She was not broken in pieces on the ground far below, but suspended by the lace of one of her boots within the big jaws of the angered wolf beast who was leaning far over the edge. She struggled, reaching up to try and remove her boot but the dark creature laughed at her efforts as it dragged her back to solid ground before flinging her over him and back to the ground away from the edge. She hit the dirt hard, panting angrily in her shock and horror at being back on land. Normally pale cheeks flushed as tears streamed down them. She cried out angrily and in desperation as she struggled to move back towards the cliffs edge. The beast roughly pinned her down by the shoulders and placed its face close to hers, its hot, foul breath instantly reminded her of someone, something else. “ENOUGH!” it screamed into her face, blowing her hair back from the force of the word. Then its form began to blur and change - shape shifting before her unbelieving and unblinking eyes. Time seemed to stop as it began to resemble the vile form of her Father. When it spoke next, it was her Fathers voice from her Fathers twisted lips “No tears please my daughter, it’s a waste of good suffering, which will come in time. How you will suffer like never before.”

He squeezed her shoulders, long black nails piercing her skin before running his filthy hands down her sides and across her stomach with a wicked grin. The stench of his breath and his very visage making her gag back sickness as she lay motionless, briefly stunned into stillness before she reacted. She spat right in his face and he struck her hard across her face in return, before she even registered what happened, his horrible laughter was echoing through the terrain. “I see you are feistier than ever. Myoakka will be pleased. Oh how pleased he will be to see you. How long he has waited for this reunion. How long he has waited to make you suffer as he has suffered all this time without you.Welcome home, Ellyana”

No, no, no, no, no, no…

I woke up hot, sweaty and sick. I saw burning, fires, destruction, desolation and death. I knew before I even read my messages.

All we can do now is pray. Lots of prayers and hope she can pull through and win this fight against the darkness. She is our symbol of hope, freedom, strength, unity, resilience, remembrance, inspiration. She means so much to so many. And for myself there are many memories; beautiful memories. I can not watch her fade away and die in this way. But what else is there left to do that we have not pulled together and done? What more can I do each turn I have not already done.

I wish...pray...that the darkness would take me instead and spare her and what she means to everyone. She is much too meaningful…much too special.

The days have been quiet which has been really nice, but my sleep and dreams have been restless, still. A few turns ago we woke to our demon selves leering over us whilst we slept. It was quite unnerving to wake up to them hovering over us but they were quickly taken down. How long had they been watching us? Why did they not kill us as we slept?

The Wolf has been training, re training I should say, so hard and I am proud of how far he has come. He has incredible strength and his commitment proves what he tells me is truth.

Skye is a rogue once more and she has returned home again. She has always been and always will be family but we are so happy to have her officially back with us.

Protector Pallas, my oldest friend and family, is now part of the Iron Order. He is so deserving of this and I could not be prouder of him. He has exactly what it takes; he is smart, dutiful, caring, organized and perceptive. I have no doubt at all in his abilities and I already feel safer with him in the Order.

There are so many retuned I do not know what to make of things. I have been feeling a bit more emotional and anxious these days. Uncomfortable, concerned. There is so much on my mind and I do not have the outlet to release. Have tried stuff and things but it is not necessarily working. I have an idea of what to do and where to go but I am afraid because this time it is something I will do alone, and I am not ready to share my thoughts or feelings on it yet, not even within my own private journal.

There are different types of dark. Like the quiet, natural dark that means us no harm and allows for the stars and moon to shine brightly. Some darks are good because they are peaceful darks, and bring with them restoration and rejuvenation. Other darks are frightful only because of the unknown, and your mind plays tricks upon you and what might be inside of that unknown dark. And there are some darks that are just insidiously evil. Back when I was bound to the tower by Father, all these darks surrounded me at all times. But the quiet dark was my friend. Within its creeping comfort I would dream of days like I have now, filled with adventure, light, warmth, comradery and love. I would dream of the nature I held so dear in my heart but was kept away from as I withered in the tower. I would dream of the woods and the trees and of the Unicorns who watched over their forests. You could always tell a Unicorns forest over any other forest. The leaves never fell from the trees and died when they turned autumnal. In their forest it is always springtime or fall and the animals exude a peace and calm that is unnatural anywhere else. In the Unicorn’s forest, the moon and stars are never covered in haze.

These dreams still come to me in the silent dark of my restless dreaming. At least that’s how they begin, before my eyes are pierced by a light so bright its blinding - and I am sure I must squint my closed eyes as I dream. And then it is devoured by a dark so dark it stands out in contrast to the quiet, normal dark. That is when things change and the Dark Wolfshadow comes. He comes to cut down the trees, to slay the woodland creatures, to cage the Unicorn - and to bleed me of all that I hold dearest. People watch as it is happening. They watch without actually seeing, they talk without actually speaking words. They hear me screaming but they are not actually listening. My voice falls like silent tears echoing in the deepest well of silence. It’s as if they are not in the Feldark realm but I can see them. It is as if there is a tear between the realm of dreaming and waking. And the silence grows like a sickness, the same sickness that has infected us, and the same sickness that now ails the beloved Ni shrubbery. It is heeding to some silent master. It is spreading and growing like a wildfire, feeding off our emotions, always hungry and never satisfied. It weakens our will as it exhausts us. Some give in, give up but the negativity only makes it spread and grow faster. Giving up only feeds it more.

This is what it wants. It is almost the perfect machine.